“I ain’t got time for this So what? I’m not tryin to hear that shit Now you wanna buy me diamonds and Armani suits Adrienne Vitadini and Chanel 9 boots Things that make up, for all the games and the lies Hallmark cards, sayin, “I apologize” Is you wit me? How could you ever deceive me? But payback’s a bitch motherfucker, believe me” With so much drama in my life I thought going to the gym to let off steam would be a good idea. Lil Kim was exactly what I needed to hear at the moment because it described my situation to a tee.
My interview with Iesha did exactly as I predicted; that there would be more made up stories and people’s own interpretations of what I said as well as spreading the story online and in the gossip rags. The scoop on Ra and I was hotter than a boiling pot of grits. It also opened me up to more character attacks and E-thugging, some of the tweets I got really bugged me like the one that said “Ha ha, you got dumped in the club by a bigger hoe than you! Just like your mom, no wonder she left you.” That did it, I went HAM on the poster and called them everything but a child of God. If people want to throw shots about who they think I am or my character fine, but don’t ever bring my mother into this, she has nothing to do with it. It also pissed me off that poster said I was the one who got dumped, when in fact I was the dumper and Ra was the dumpee. You know what they say, “the best way to get over a man is to get under another one.” Okay, maybe I actually don’t live by that motto but it gives you a push so to speak to get back in the game. It had been weeks since Ra and I broke up. He of course was sending jewelry, flowers, and candy to the house and emailing me everyday since he no longer had my number. I threw out the candy, didn’t want to gain any weight, gave the cats the flowers so they could play with them and eventually destroy them and I kept the jewelry with a mental note to call an auction house. Why shouldn’t I make some money? I was no closer to forgiving Ra$hin when I ran into his arch nemesis Kiyan at Club Square Biz. I mentioned before how fine I thought Kiyan was didn’t I? I was surprised he was out here since he is mainly in New York. I had not seen him since Talina’s listening party months ago. “Hey girl, long time no see,” Kiyan said. “Hey yourself. Yeah it has been a long time,” I replied “Damn, you just made my night,” he said I laughed a little. “How is that?” I asked. “Just seeing you here. I wasn’t even planning on coming out tonight. I’m only in town for my homeboy’s clothing launch. So what’s up with you? Are you here alone?” he asked. “No, I’m here with some of my friends,” I told him. We chatted for a little while longer he told me about what he was planning for his next album and that he was going back to New York in a couple of days. You could meet any artist or so-called artist in the music industry and they will always want to talk about their new album. “I gotta tell you, I’ve been digging you for the longest Reagan, now that you’re finally free do you think I can take you out the next time I’m in town?” Kiyan asked. I had been wondering when he was going to get around to this part. “Maybe,” I coyly replied.
“Maybe? Awwwhh don’t do that to me girl. You have to see me when I come back out here, either that or I’ll send for you to come to New York,” he said “Dang, you certainly are sure of yourself aren’t you?” I asked him. He started laughing “I just go for what I want,” he replied. Hmm, I was thinking to myself, I did like his confidence, he had a certain kind of swag about him that I found attractive. So I ended up giving him my number. No doubt this was going to get out eventually, just as long as it got back to Ra. I wanted him to suffer. Several days later Kiyan came back into town specifically to take me out on our first “date”. Since I couldn’t get away to New York at the moment he made the effort to come and see me. Actually the truth was I could have flown out there, but I didn’t want him thinking I was at his beck and call. “Everything looks so good here,” Kiyan remarked as we set down and looked at the menu. “I know, I can’t decide what I want,” I replied. “See, you’re talking about the actual menu, I’m talking about you,” Kiyan said staring me right in the face. I felt a very comfortable sensation rush through my body and there were certain parts of me that began feeling quite warm. I smiled shyly but didn’t respond. After our food came we settled into nice dinner conversation. I must admit I was having fun and we hadn’t even been out an hour yet. Kiyan was so damn cute. Even when I was dating Ra, I couldn’t help but be attracted to Kiyan.
“I’m glad you agreed to go out with me. I know top models like you stay busy not to mention you got all kind of men chasing after you Miss. Leeds. Damn, you’re too sexy,” Kiyan flirted. I let out a seductive laugh making a mental note to myself that I had made the right decision to dress, but not overdress for our first date. I didn’t want him to think this was anything extraordinary. You give men too much, showing up looking like a boss and making them feel they are king of the hill they take advantage, hell I learned that from my last relationship.
“Oh stop,” I giggled. “Thank you though. I was running errands and had a million meetings all day I didn’t even have time to change,” I told him which was partially the truth. I was busy all day. I did change my clothes after I showered, but since I was still breaking in my new Zanotti heels, I wore those again tonight. “Well you look good for someone running all over the place all day. So, you’re originally from Miami is that right?” Kiyan asked shifting gears. “Yep, born and raised,” I told him. “That’s cool. I love it down there. I try to swing by my penthouse on South Beach at least every couple of months,” he told me, slyly pushing in that he owned a penthouse down there, the ugly hater voice in my head reminded me that while he may have a penthouse on the beach, Ra$hin owned the biggest mansion on Star Island. “That must be nice,” I replied not knowing what else to say, still waiting for the ice to be broken. I tried relaxing a little, I wonder where our server was with my vodka martini. I I always became a little edgy whenever the subject of my hometown came out. Not because I didn’t love where I came from, but I knew eventually people would ask questions about my family. As predicted Kiyan asked if my parents and other family were still in Florida. I briefly explained to him that my parents were split up and my father was now living in Appaloosa.
“When are you planning on coming out with your next album?”, I asked him happy to change he subject. “Hopefully by summer’s end. Why, you want to sing the hook on a couple of tracks?” Kiyan teased. “Not if you want your career to be over as soon as it started, because that’s what would happen if I sang on your album,” I laughed finally feeling a bit more relaxed. Kiyan laughed too. I could tell he had thoughts about Ra and I but it wasn’t the time to be asking those questions yet. Why let him ruin our night anyhow? The rest of dinner went very well. We next headed over the Del Mar Beach lounge and got a couple of drinks. We took our drinks outside and just listened to the sound of the ocean and watched the stars dance on the waves. By now I had a good buzz going and that familiar Armani cologne was feeling the air. Damn that boy smelled good. Kiyan took my hand and we headed down to the beach and sat around someone’s abandoned fire. We made small talk for a little while then took a little stroll on the beach. I don’t know what had come over me, maybe I was caught up in the excitement I felt or the effect of the drink I had, but when Kiyan kissed me I didn’t resist and allowed it to happen. I never usually kiss on a first date, but there was something about Kiyan that made me want him to kiss me. Of course that was as far as I let it go. He certainly wasn’t about to get the cookie that fast. Ra$hin messed up in a major way and now it was payback. He wouldn’t like me dating Kiyan, he could cheat on me with one of the biggest bimbos in the city, and who knows who else. You never miss your water til your well runs dry.
Maybe I was using Kiyan just a little bit to get back at Ra, but so what? Men are trifling, I was just doing what millions of men around the world did everyday, which was run game. Perhaps that’s what I needed to be, hardened with my game on so that no one could break down these walls again. I wasn’t sure if I would be execute this new theory. What’s that saying? “Fake it until you make it.” Yes I could certainly do that, I’ve done it so many other times before. I had to fake like I didn’t give a shit when my mom left and the news spread around my school, I had to fake like I didn’t care that it seemed that my dad was more proud of Kennedey’s achievements than mine. I’m one to like keeping it real, which I do most of the time, but sometimes I need to put my game face on, a mask everyday just to deal with the bull and fake ass people I see wanting to bring me down at the first available opportunity.
Apollonia was one of those people who didn’t want to see me succeed and would often tell me I wouldn’t amount to much, so every time there was some nay sayer or hater out there I saw my mother, and I wanted to roll over them just like I wanted to roll over all the vicious things she has said to be over the years. Despite this though, I actually did like Kiyan. Like I said before I had always been attracted to him. I wasn’t in love with him, I wasn’t even one hundred percent certain I was in love with Ra$hin all the time. I was hurt very badly and he didn’t come through for me like he should have. A few days later I was at this new club called Review with the girls. Fallion and Aoki had just gotten back from working on an assignment out in Vegas. While Taina knew the scoop about our date, the other two hadn’t had the chance to hear the details from me. Aoki dove in first hanging on my every word about the other night. I wasn’t completely sure, but I had the feeling Fallion was having an attitude with me. Why, I did not know, but whatever it was she needed to build a bridge and get over it. “Did he kiss you?” Aoki asked after I gave them general details of what happened when I went out with Kiyan. “Yes,” I replied seeing out the corner of my eye Fallion rolling her big eyes. “Oooohhhh, scandalous! I’m scared of you Reagan! Was it good? Can the boy kiss? How close was his body?” Aoki flooded me with a series of questions. I laughed. “Chill, chill I can only answer one question at a time,” I told her. “Yes, he can kiss and I suppose his body was close enough. He wasn’t all up on me like that,” I continued. We chilled at the club for a few more hours. It had gotten out that I was there with my friends so of course that brought a lot of press. Club security escorted my friends and I to our car service to avoid the media circus. Truthfully on one hand, no I didn’t want to deal with any press tonight, on the other I was glad my name was going to be circulating online tonight. It had been mad crazy going on for weeks since my break up with Ra$hin and the internet practically blew up when rumors and pictures of Kiyan and I were posted online. Somehow papparazzi got wind that I was out with him and was able to get some pretty candid shots of us. A few weeks had already passed since I began dating Kiyan when he asked me to go to Monte Vista with him. Seeing the comments on my blog and elsewhere online some people acted like this was the beginning of World War 3. People felt some kind of way about me dating Ra’s enemy but I didn’t really care what the haters had to say. Men did this shit everyday making no apologies, all I did was flip the script. Kiyan had rented a big house in the middle of town. Once we got settled in we decided to check out the sites for a while. “Thanks for coming out baby. Is this your first trip here?” Kiyan asked. I was a little surprised when he called me “baby”. “No, I’ve been here a couple of times for work, but I never got the chance to really see the country,” I replied. It was a beautiful country indeed I thought to myself as Kiyan and I made our way through the town square, a lot different than what I was used to. Monte Vista had some of the most beautiful beaches in the world and I was eager to visit one the next day. It looked just like it did in the magazines. Kiyan and I messed around in the water for a while. It was so warm, reminded me of the water back home. After such a long flight yesterday I was still pretty tired and took a short nap letting the warm salty air and gentle breeze rock my body to sleep. When I woke up from my nap we headed over to the beach bar and ordered a round of drinks. I had a ‘Sex On The Beach’ and ate a few oysters, a wonderful natural aphrodisiac. After a long day at the beach Kiyan and I were trying to have a private moment in the hot tub when a papparazzo snuck over the gate and took pictures of us! It’s one thing to get photographed out in public, it’s quite another to have pictures taken with your ass hanging out for the world to see! I was so embarrassed! Sure I wanted Ra to know where I was and with whom, but I didn’t want him nor anyone else to see photos of me in the hot tub with Kiyan, especially not my daddy! Everything turned out okay in the end. Kiyan used some of his New York bravado and scared the paparazzo into not selling the pictures, he also broke his camera. After that little fiasco it was on to new business. Kiyan told me the following day the owner of the renowned Monte Vista Casino had invited him to play in one of the private high roller suites. This gave me the excuse to wear my new dress I bought in Paris the last time I was there. Kiyan looked like a Puerto Rican James Bond I thought giggling to myself, he looked damn good though. After we played blackjack, roulette and a few other games Kiyan and I went to go dance for a little while in the casino’s private club. Once we got back to the house, we kept up this whole Bond thing. We had a little role playing session, Kiyan was the urban James Bond while I played a fierce black Honey Rider. We ended up having a lot of fun that night, maybe too much fun, but alas all good things must come to an end and a couple of days later we headed back to the States. (Taina’s Point of View) My boyfriend Ramon came over to spend the night. He was one of Ra’s homeboys from New York but now lived here in Starlight Shores. We had only been dating a few months but I was head over heels in love. “You know babe, I think that’s pretty foul of your friend fucking with Kiyan. She knows what she’s doing. It’s working too because Ra is pissed off,” said Ramon. No he didn’t try to come up in here co-signing for Ra$hin especially after he dogged my girl out. “Ramon, please. Reagan is doing nothing wrong. Kiyan asked her out, what’s wrong with that? It’s not like she was the one cheating on Ra. Who cares if he is mad? Good, let him be,” I replied. I was curious to know what exactly Ra had been saying so I goaded Ramon for the scoop. “Well, wouldn’t you be mad if your ex was messing with someone you hate? Ra’s seen all her little pictures that she’s been posting on Instagram and Twitter of her little vacation in Monte Vista. Reagan got Ra$hin out here looking stupid. That’s all everyone is talking about, how Kiyan got one up on him again,” Ramon said. “Is that all he is concerned about? These radio shows and blogs talking about how Kiyan is beating him out again?” I asked. Unbelievable I thought, Ra was such a narcissist, of course that would be his main concern. “I wouldn’t say Kiyan was beating him out just because he was beating it up,” Ramon laughed. “Ugh, don’t even say that, that is disgusting. As bad as Ra did Reagan he deserves to be mad. All I know is that Reagan is having the time of her life with a real man who knows how to treat her and make her feel like a woman,” I said to Ramon looking at his face for a reaction “A woman in every way that matters,” I added for emphasis just in case Ramon wanted to go back and report to Ra$hin. Ramon shook his head. “What, did Reagan pay you to tell me this? Kiyan may seem like he is winning, but we all know Reagan is just doing this to get back at Ra,” Ramon responded. “Even if that was the case, it’s not like she had to. Ra$hin has been begging and whining more than Keith Sweat ever since Reagan dumped his ass,” I said. This was all very interesting and I couldn’t wait to see Reagan tomorrow when we go shopping. (Reagan’s Point of View) Shortly after I had arrived back home I was in need of some retail therapy. Taina and I made a date to go to the Starlight Hills Center. “Guess what Ramon had to tell me last night?” Taina said. “What?” I asked “He was saying how mad Ra was that you and Kiyan were going out. He’s seen all your pictures from your trip. Apparently Ra got his panties all in a bunch,” she answered. I smiled a little to myself. Guess he didn’t like it now that the shoe was on the other foot. “I guess Ra thinks what you are doing is pretty trifling,” said Taina. “He thinks what I am doing is trifling? How about him? What about what he did? Crawling up in something like that, and who knows what else,” I said incredulous. Screw what Ra said. There were some new Fendi boots I had my eye on and I wasn’t about to let Ra mess up my day. After doing some major damage to my credit cards, Taina and I headed down to the little cafe to grab something to eat. “When are you seeing Kiyan again? Are you going back to New York or is he coming out here again?” asked Taina. I swallowed the huge bite I just took, I didn’t realize how hungry I was. “Since I have that shoot for Marie Claire in New York, we’ll see each other there,” I told her. We finished up the last bite of our meal with Taina excusing herself to the ladies room. That’s when someone I didn’t immediately recognize came up to me looking like she wanted to take a picture. “Can I help you?” I asked irritated. “No, but I can help you. Next time you run up on my girl in the club, you better bring back up,” the girl said to me. I looked more closely at her and realized she was Martina’s homegirl I had seen her with the night of Ra’s concert a while back. I think her name was Honey or Apple Cherry or some shit like that. “Look little girl, Sugar Pie Honey Bunch, whatever the hell your name is. I’m not James Brown so don’t even “Try Me”. What you going to do about it? Ain’t nothing but space and opportunity here. Don’t get your wig snatched like your little friend. You don’t know me sweetheart,” I told the girl. “Whatever. Like I said watch yourself. That’s my girl, just don’t get caught slippin out here,” Honey said. “Poof, be gone little girl. I don’t have time for child’s play,” I responded. I knew she wasn’t about anything because she didn’t say anything further, just looked me up and down and tossed her dried out weave over her shoulder and left. Groupies, you gotta love them. There seemed to be a billion more blogs and sites that wanted new interviews with me knowing I would be in New York. But I was frankly tired of the media and chose to let my pictures, words, and actions on my blog and other social media speak for itself. After shooting for several hours on set for Marie Claire, it was nice to go and chill with Kiyan for a while. Kiyan picked me up at my hotel and we headed over to the Smoky Rogue for a couple a drinks and a bite to eat. Later after we left the restaurant Kiyan asked me if I wanted to go on a little walk. Since it was pretty nice outside I didn’t mind. I hope this boy wasn’t trying to go on some long nature walk, not in these damn heels. Luckily we stopped by a fountain near his apartment. I couldn’t be for certain, but I was starting to think Kiyan was catching feelings for me. I liked him too, but I could not get serious with someone else this soon. “I wish you didn’t have to leave in a few days boo, there is so much more I want to do with you,” he said. To avoid an awkward situation, I made up the excuse that I was getting a little chilly and we headed up to the apartment. Don’t get me wrong I was really digging on Kiyan. He was sexy, fine as hell, good where is mattered and made my body feel good in places I didn’t know existed. “Damn you look good enough to eat. I want to bite into those thighs,” he said. I laughed. Kiyan’s apartment was really banging he had beautiful views of the city. “How was work?” Kiyan asked. “Oh you know, work is work. Nothing special. Tell me about your day. Did you make any progress in the studio?” I asked him. “Yeah you know, worked on a few thangs. This album is gonna be hot,” he said. I suddenly wasn’t in the mood for any more small talk. Kiyan must have read my mind he started kissing me slowly on the couch, the next thing I knew we were in his bedroom. Damn he smelled good and so did his breath as it became more rapid and hotter as we sat down on his bed. “You’re so soft. I want to make love to you so bad. How do you want it?” he asked. My heart was beating I didn’t know if it was a mixture of the wine, his fragrance or my stomach doing flip flops. I didn’t care about much in that moment. I just liked the way his hands felt on my body. Any thoughts I had earlier about him perhaps being a bit more serious than I was quickly left my mind. I don’t even remember my onesie coming off. The boy had skills. He even came through with it more than when we were in Monte Vista. He was speaking Spanish to me and shit in my ear. I had no idea what the hell he was saying all I know it was sexy as hell. It must have rubbed off on me because I started screaming “Papi!”, shit I couldn’t help it. After we came back down from the clouds I was worn out, but in a good way. “You feel okay baby?” He asked me. My back was turned to him but I could feel his hand on my thigh. “Hmmm?” I murmured sleepily. He continued to stoke my thigh. “I said are you okay, you haven’t said much,” he repeated himself. “Yeah, I’m good. I’m just so exhausted,” I replied. He chuckled a little. “That’s a good thing. You know we aim to please,” said Kiyan. I closed my eyes again. “Reagan? Are you still awake?,” he said. We both sat up. “Yeah I‘m awake, what’s up?” I asked him. “I wanted to know if you wanted to meet some of my friends. I was planning on going to the new spot The Aqua Room. You can invite your friends out too if you want. I’ll send a jet for them,” Kiyan said. “That sounds cool,” I replied. “I can’t believe we’ve been chilling together for all these weeks. I wish I could’ve met you a long time ago. You just don’t know how long I’ve been wanting you, girl. But of course you were tied up with that punk ass,” Kiyan said changing the subject. We hadn’t really discussed Ra$hin before and I was a little surprised Kiyan was bringing him up now. “I liked you too, but no I couldn’t go there because I was with someone at the time,” I said truthfully. I had always been attracted to Kiyan, but I wasn’t the type to step out on my relationship. “I just hope you know I have a lot of respect for you and I love being with you so you don’t need to worry about anyone else,” he said. I didn’t know what to say other than I liked being with him too. I couldn’t will myself into catching the same feelings Kiyan was obviously catching for me and I wasn’t about to lie and say something to the contrary. Hopefully I could get my ex out of my head for good and concentrate on moving on, I was worried though it would not be that easy. The Aqua Room was in lower Manhattan and it was pretty banging up in there. I had met Kiyan’s friends Neno and Miguel. I was glad my girls were also able to come out even though the last time I had seen Fallion she seemed to have a stank attitude with me. Taina had alluded to the fact that Fallion didn’t like that I was seeing Kiyan because I knew Ra hated him. When I heard that I wanted to laugh, Fallion getting scruples? Please that bitch ran circles around me and the little dirt I did. But I’ll save that for another day. She must’ve not been too mad for long because she sure didn’t pass up on a free trip out here. We all had only been posted in VIP for less than an hour when I heard a commotion coming toward our area. I looked up and saw Ra$hin with some of his friends. Of all people. Fuck, I thought to myself. I knew it was going down. I had spent several weeks systematically ignoring every email I had gotten from Ra about him and me and eventually his messages turned to anger because I was ignoring him. Funny how he ceased emailing me once he found out about me and Kiyan. He just made thinly veiled shots at me and Kiyan over social media and in interviews. I could see the rage in Ra$hin’s eyes and there was really no stopping him. The next thing I knew he had grabbed Kiyan and pushed him up against the cage around the VIP section. I sighed deeply looking at him like a lunatic. Who does that? I always knew Ra had a temper but even this surprised me. “Stop it Ra! Just calm the hell down? What are you doing?” I yelled at him. A crowd of Ra’s friends, my friends and Kiyan’s friends and everyone else quickly formed. Ra$hin put Kiyan down but he didn’t respond to me. All he could see was blood with Kiyan in his crosshairs. “I’m going to fuck you up you little bitch!” Ra$hin yelled at Kiyan. “Oh yeah boy? Come on then player! Stay mad because your girl rather be with me than your ass!” Kiyan shouted back. Ra$hin started coming for Kiyan when I got in between both of them. “No! We’re not doing this! If both of you want to have a measuring contest to see whose shit is bigger, you can do it without me,” I said. I then looked over at Ra “And you have a lot of nerve trying to regulate anything, why don’t you take your ass over to one of your groupie’s houses and leave me the hell alone!” I yelled at him. “Stay out of this Reagan. This is man to man shit,” said Ra$hin “Man? I’m not looking at no man, I see a pissy mad ass little boy acting like someone stole his favorite Transformer,” I responded. Ra$hin ignored me. “I guess you love having everything after I‘ve already run through it or finished with it, boy you can’t help but love my leftovers,” Ra$hin said to Kiyan “Maybe you had a couple of thangs first, but you didn’t know what to do with them boy. I know for a fact when she is with me she ain’t even thinking about you!” Kiyan said. This only seemed to make Ra$hin even more mad. I heard Stacey and Ramon telling Ra$hin to drop it for now, this wasn’t the time and place for all of this to go down. Ra$hin seemed to oblige briefly and as the crowd started to disperse I felt him suddenly grab me. “Get off of me!” I screamed at him. “No, you need to listen to me Reagan! You think I’m just about to let you go off with that bitch? You are my woman!” he said. Ra$hin was still in full on rage mode and his grip on me was very strong, strong enough to the point it was starting to hurt. “I’m fucking trying to talk to you!” He yelled. I could smell the Patron on his breath. I didn’t enjoy being manhandled and being treated like I was someone’s property. My friends were yelling at him to let me go. Finally I got away and escaped to the parking lot. I wasn’t free yet because Ra$hin had followed me. “You just gonna play me like that? Yeah I messed up but it was just some random groupie. You go and mess with someone you know I can’t stand. That’s foul as hell Reagan. And if you think I am going forget about this, you must think I’m stupid,” Ra$hin said. Right now I was beginning to wonder where everyone was, including Kiyan was. Had no one even seen me come out here? No sooner than I though this it seemed like everyone from all our entourages came out into the parking lot. It’s not that I was even really scared of Ra$hin, but I couldn’t be certain what he was capable of in his drunken state coupled that with his insane jealously. I wanted to get him back but maybe this was a little too much even for me. “You better get off my female. She obviously don’t want you anymore! I will fuck you up! She coming home with me tonight and I’m going to give it to her right just like I have been all these weeks, how do you like that bitch?” Kiyan yelled at Ra$hin coming into the garage. There was really no turning back now. Ra$hin and Kiyan starting throwing blows at each other and for the second time in the last several weeks I was involved in another fight, only this time I wasn’t the one fighting, but my ass was right smack in the middle of this shit and I didn’t like two grown ass men acting like fools fighting over me like any one of them owned my ass. I was not at all surprised when Ra$hin laid Kiyan out and he was left licking his wounds. I just wanted to get out of there. Instead of heading back to Kiyan’s apartment with him I went back to my hotel with Taina. I didn’t want to see Kiyan, I didn’t want to look at Ra$hin, I didn’t want to even be in the same space as either one of them. “Oh my goodness that was crazy Rea. What are you going to do? Kiyan basically just had his ass handed to him by Ra$hin,” Taina said. I was angry, confused, embarrassed, all wrapped up into one. I also had the feeling my play for payback may have backfired in my face. Oh yes I had brought Ra$hin to his knees, but what had my father always warned us about seeking revenge? That you’re left with a little less of yourself then when you started out? “Girl, I don’t even know. I know this is crazy. These damn two fools. Not that I was surprised Ra would get the best of Kiyan, he is bigger than him and has a lot more rage. It’s too much,” I told her. “Are you going to still see Kiyan?” she asked. I wasn’t quite sure of that answer. I sighed. “I don’t know, I am not sure about anything anymore,” I told her truthfully. I didn’t bother looking at my phone because surely I knew there were hundreds of alerts from Twitter, Facebook, my blog, etc. about the fight tonight. And what was worse I could almost guarantee a phone call or a visit from my father about the latest trouble I was in. I laid low in the hotel for the next couple of days. Kiyan had tried calling me but I told him I needed some time to sort through things and needed to get my thoughts together. It wasn’t that Ra whooping him made me change my mind about him, I was confused about everything. Maybe I just needed to take a break. Then one day out of the blue I got up, got dressed and took a walk. Well that walk turned into hours when I finally approached a lookout with The Statue of Liberty in the distance. I didn’t even really notice the rain. I headed over to a fountain that was down the street from my hotel and watched Lady Liberty in the distance. What would she do in my predicament? Caught between two men? I felt guilty about everything that went down with Kiyan. He was more into this relationship from the start than I was. I bet Lady Liberty wouldn’t have these problems, she probably would never get involved with a fool like Ra$hin in the first place and have to make these kind of decisions. I texted Taina asking her to meet me at Mc Hale’s Ale House for drinks. I told her not to tell Fallion and Aoki where we were going. I didn’t want to deal with them and I felt I could talk to Taina. Once we got there I immediately ordered myself a drink, I needed to put these flames out. I felt out of sorts. No, not from the drink, but about my personal life. I was experiencing something I had never felt before. The other night was crazy. I didn’t know what I was going to do about Ra. Yes, even after all of that my emotions were still out of whack regarding him. I wish there was a switch I could just flip on and off. Off to still having feelings for Ra and letting him inside my head and on to moving the hell on, not just about him, but moving on from everyone in my life that had used my heart, broken it and threw it away. It must be easy to be someone like my mother. Cold hearted and uncaring. I wish I could be like that sometimes. But as much as that seemed easier, I knew I was like my father, who loved wholeheartedly and with everything he had. I just never wanted to be played like him, left pining away for a lost lover who never reciprocated my feelings, that’s where Daddy and I differed. No, that would never be me, it couldn’t be. My phone started buzzing. I knew I could not avoid him forever. “Yes, Daddy?” I answered. Here we go, I thought to myself