Don’t Get Caught In These Streets: The Streets Are Watching
I had been thinking a lot about what my father had said, that I needed to confront Ra$hin about his attitude change toward me. Now I was thinking more than ever that Barrington did indeed lie on me. Why did I keep my mouth shut about New York? I should have told Ra$hin as soon as it happened that same night. I guess I knew the answer to that already.
I knew deep down inside he considered me to be like most women, out to get something
from him which couldn’t be further from the truth. Yes, our relationship worked to both of our benefit, but his stardom was not what made me start loving him. I wasn’t that shallow. Yes it was a plus that I was dating and seen with hip hop’s biggest star, it certainly boosted my career. I would not be with anyone I didn’t love however.
I decided to call Ra$hin up and tell him we needed to talk and that it couldn’t wait. I was due
on Isla Paradiso for a shoot in a couple of days and he would be leaving town himself soon. There were rumors in the streets that he was messing around I would just ask him flat out.
“Ra$hin, I don’t know what has been going on with us lately. I keep asking you if there is
anything wrong and you say there’s not, that you’re just busy with your music. Are you seeing someone else?” I asked him. Ra$hin didn’t say anything for a long time and just looked at me as if he were contemplating something in his mind. I couldn’t tell what he
“Oh, you mean you want to talk about you gettin’ drunk and fucking with my boy on New Years? Is that what you mean?” he said. As much as I had the feeling that Ra knew something about that night, I was still surprised he was actually accusing me.
“You always claimed you couldn’t stand Barrington, but I see that shit was mostly an act
considering the moment I left you alone, you want to go and act like some hoe,” Ra$hin continued.
I could not believe what I was hearing. “Fucking with your boy? Acting like a hoe? Excuse me? I was not the one pissy drunk at the party coming onto him. It was the other way around matter of fact! Your alcoholic ass friend couldn’t keep his damn hands off me! But you want to automatically accuse me right?” I yelled, furious that Ra assumed I was the one acting loose and even more insulted that he would think I would be coming onto Barrington of all
Ra$hin’s expression hadn’t changed, his eyes were cold and emotionless and for the first time I could see that he was looking at me like I was one of just the countless of other women he had messed with over the years and I didn’t like it.
“Come off it Reagan. Do you think I’m fuckin’ stupid? You don’t think I know why you mainly fuck with me in the first place? It’s coo’ though, because having a top model bitch like you on my arm has been good publicity for me also,” Ra$hin responded coldly. Bitch? Did he really just call me a bitch?
“Who are you calling a bitch first of all? I ain’t one of these little groupies hanging all over
your shit. You better get yo’ life boy! And watch who the hell you calling a bitch! I wouldn’t touch Barrington with a ten foot pole! If that foo’ was the last man on this planet, I still would not let him come near me! You automatically hear a lie from him about me and instead of asking me about it, you trust that your so-called homey is telling you the truth. Well he is not! He was all in my face after the party, trying to put his nasty hands all over me!” I screeched. I was feeling helpless now, I hated having to defend myself against the likes of Barrington.
“Yeah, and if all that went down and he was trying to get in your face, why didn’t you tell me?
Why did you let me find out months later after things had been going better between us? When I was in the middle of dropping my album and all the shit I have had to do these last several weeks?” Ra$hin yelled. I started to open my mouth and respond when he cut me off.
“But I already know the answer to that. You’re an opportunist, Reagan. You fucked up and once you realized it, you tried to cover your tracks. You were hoping I wouldn’t find out, but I did and now you want to switch up the game and act like I’ve been dismissive of you and act innocent,” Ra$hin said with a flash of anger on his face, his eyes dead cold.
As much as I should have just walked away and never looked back in the light of Ra$hin’s
accusations and the things he was saying to me, for some reason I couldn’t. I could not let it
go, I could not him go.
I took a deep breath and said my next few words very slowly. “Like, I said, I did not come on to him. I didn’t tell you right away because for the first time in a long time you and I were getting along and things in our relationship were going better. You had a lot on your plate, so I left it alone and decided to bury it until another day. Yes I knew there was the possibility Barrington would lie on me. Matter of fact I told Taina I thought so, but I didn’t want to risk the possibility of coming in between you and your boy especially when it was his
word against mine,” I responded, exhausted and questioning why I was having to defend myself at all.
Ra$hin came towards me, he was so close I could feel his breath on my cheek.
“Look, I don’t know how everything went down that night, because I wasn’t there. I just know my friend wouldn’t lie to me. I’ve known him since childhood, while you on the other hand, you a female on the come up. That’s coo’ I get that. But don’t ever think that I don’t know what you are and what you’re about. You suit me well too, baby. You have a purpose. Don’t let me hear about you getting out of line with one of my friends or any other man for that matter again, because you won’t like the end result, trust,” Ra$hin said threateningly.
I didn’t like his tone, it was one I have never heard him use with me before, it made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up and honestly frightened me a little bit. I stared back at him, not knowing what else to say, feeling completely defeated.
Why was I allowing this from him? What would my father say? I knew what he would say. I know he would not be happy I seemed to be just laying down and taking it from Ra$hin. It was as if Ra had some new found control or hold on me, one that I didn’t even really know existed until now.
As small and helpless as I was feeling in this moment I couldn’t bring myself to just cut him
off. It was obvious he trusted his friend more than me and he had so much as said he was keeping me around because it was a good look for him to be dating me.
“It’s okay baby, though, we’re all allowed to make at least one mistake,” he said condescendingly. “I’m just not the man you want to make them with. I am willing to let this go for now, because like I said, you suit a purpose, your shit is hella good and you pretty much trump every other bitch I’ve ever fucked with. So I am keeping you on my team. But if you fuck up again, just know I will drop you and not give two fucks!” Ra$hin continued.
Every instinct in me was to pull my hand back and give him the hardest slap he ever had in his life.
This was a delicate time in my career. I had more television spots to shoot and some big campaigns coming up. I didn’t have time for a scandal. So I sucked it up, kept my mouth
shut and went home, all the while feeling like a two dollar street walker.
I couldn’t get over the feeling that this was a mistake to just take it like that. Was I becoming like one of those useless stupid ass women that take anything off their man because of his status? The same kind of man my father had warned Kennedey and me about countless times before? Was I becoming the same weak, desperate opportunistic woman like my mother? The latter made my stomach turn and for the first time I didn’t completely like myself. I was a fool, a fool in love, partly with a man I seemed addicted to and partly with the celebrity and the life I have been afforded thanks to this man.
I went up to my bathroom, I could hear the faint theme music of ‘The Young & The Restless’
playing somewhere in the house. I hated that music, my mother always watched that stupid show when I was growing up. She would watch it everyday when Kennedey and I were little and not give us a second glance as we would play on the floor in the living room, begging and wanting her undivided attention.
As I looked at myself in the mirror I saw my mother’s face and it scared me to death. I wanted to wash away the image I saw in the mirror. I wanted her to vanish.
I was so mad at myself for letting her get to me, or maybe I was mad at Ra, I wasn’t completely sure.
As I could still hear the television, I started becoming annoyed. I went downstairs and found Kennedey in the living room. I should have known she would be watching this dumb show our mother loved so much. Didn’t I tell you her head was often wrapped in the clouds? “What are you doing Kennedey? Why are watching this? You know I hate this show!” I yelled at her, not able to contain my anger. Kennedy looked startled and taken aback by my sudden outburst. I felt a slight twinge of guilt for laying into her so hard and so fast, but the feeling quickly disappeared.
“Why are you yelling Reagan? You need to calm down. First of all, I wasn’t watching this. I had turned on the tv and it was already on, I went into the kitchen to get something to eat. I was planning on turning the channel once I came back. So just chill,” Kennedey answered defensively.
“Well you know how you like going down memory lane, being all nostalgic and shit. Just be
careful in the future, you know I don’t want to hear that,” I scolded her. It wasn’t entirely
fair for me to let out my frustrations on Kennedey because I was upset about my argument with Ra$hin. I all of a sudden felt extremely tired and went upstairs to take a short nap. I ended up staying in bed for the rest of the day, ignoring the many phone calls and texts I was receiving.
I left a couple of days later for Isla Paradiso to work on the shoot for the tropical line from Sand Diamonds. Taina, Aoki, and Fallion are also working on the campaign with me. That was the first time I had ever been to Isla Paradiso. I was too preoccupied with my personal drama to enjoy the spoils of the island and didn’t accompany the girls when they went on a little tour. I was ready to get back home.
I hadn’t heard from Ra$hin since our last talk. It was a weird and awkward time for us in our relationship and I admit I was still feeling uneasy about some of the things he had said to me when I saw him last.
I arrived back in town a little early. I hadn’t told Ra$hin I was back and decided to hit up the club with my friends to get my mind off things. I wasn’t at all prepared for what I was about to see. There was Ra$hin booed up with that cow Martina! He obviously didn’t know I was back in town. I went right up to him and pulled him out of VIP.
“Why are you trippin’ Reagan? Dang she’s just a friend!” said Ra-$hin.
“Whatever Ra-$hin, friend my foot! I’m not stupid, you’re not just gonna sit up here and play me like that homeboy! You got me twisted!” I shouted at him.
“Last time I checked, I didn’t have no ring on your finger, so quit tryin’ to check me, I’m a
player for life baby! I’m going to always do me!” He yelled back.
“Oh you a player huh? What do you think I am? I’m no hoe ass concubine lined up with the
rest of these tricks you got. I can’t believe you! How long has this been going on? You know
what? It doesn’t even matter because we’re through!” I yelled at him.
“Oh so you are breaking up with me now? Take yo’ ass on then, you can be easily replaced!” Ra$hin yelled.
I reached back and slapped Ra$hin clear across his face, I didn’t care who saw or what was
undoubtedly going to be said online tonight about this.
Feeling outside myself and seething with rage I went back into the VIP and confronted that bird Martina. She knew I was dating him. I guess she enjoyed having my sloppy seconds. Dumb broads like her usually do. Both she and Ra$hin were going to feel the wrath of Reagan Leeds tonight.
“You dumb trick, you couldn’t wait to get your hands on my man. You can’t find one of your
own? Seems like stupid females like you can only get a man that is attached because goodness knows a man ain’t trying to wife up no hoe. You’re only good for one thing!” I screamed.
Martina actually looked surprised that I went up to confront her, I don’t know why, she should know who I am by this point.
“Awwwhh, you mad boo? I’m sorry your man was getting tired of you and came hollerin’ at me,” she mockingly said.
Her attitude was making me even more angry. I laid into her about how cheap she looked. “Stupid cow, instead of just giving it up, why didn’t you have Ra at least buy you some clothes that don’t look like they came from the SWAP meet or Rainbow?” I said to her. I could tell that had gotten to her. She was one of those stupid girls who got all their shit from places like Express thinking she was doing big thangs.
“Bitch, I don’t need Ra$hin to buy me anything! He would if I asked, but I’m not a gold digging skank like you!” Martina shouted back. “Please! I make my own money! Lots of it matter of fact! I don’t need a man to do shit for me! It’s just a bonus when he does,” I yelled. I just looked at her with disgust.
She represented all the many groupies, hood rats, skanks and women that were after Ra every single day. The same ones that would tweet me calling me out of my name, claiming they had hooked up with Ra, the same ones who were constantly hating on me and my friends whenever we were in the club. I couldn’t control my anger any longer and the next thing I knew Martina and I were on the floor squabbin’ like two hyenas on speedballs.
When the dust settled and I had whooped Martina, I was promptly escorted out of the club. I
didn’t know where my friends ended up or even where Ra was, and I didn’t care. Later when I got home Taina called and asked me what had happened, she said one minute she saw me going off on Ra and then she couldn’t find me. I just told her everything had happened so fast I didn’t have time to go and find her and I handled the situation myself.
The next morning Taina stopped by to get the 411 blow by blow. “You didn’t tell me what led to what last night. I knew you were upset. All I have been hearing is that Ra was posted in the spot with that Martina chick,” Taina said. I really wasn’t trying to have this conversation. I hadn’t even had time to adjust or let everything settle in.
“Well it’s over. Bottom line, he thought he was slick and I busted his ass. I’m mad at myself
for losing control in public though. I am not sorry I blasted both of them,” I said plainly,
feeling both angry and numb at the same time.
“Yeah I heard you snatched that heffa’s wig!” Taina exclaimed.
“I wasn’t going to let it go. That dumb bird knew I was with Ra$hin,” I replied.
“I just can’t believe Ra. Forgive me for saying this Reagan, I am not surprised he cheated. I
don’t even think you are deep down. I am surprised he would be so careless and do his dirt out in the open,” said Taina. I didn’t want to admit it, but Taina was right, deep down I wasn’t
that surprised either. She stayed over for a little while longer, I made the excuse that I had a
lot of things to do today. I really didn’t feel like being bothered by anyone. My dad had heard
what happened and was blowing up my phone. I didn’t feel like hearing his mouth, I knew a
lecture would be coming about me fighting in the club. Sorry Daddy, today was just not the day I thought to myself.
My agency ended up having to do some major PR damage control once news got out and Charlie wasn’t too happy with me about my actions, but like I said before and I’ll say again, I just didn’t care.
A few weeks had gone by since my break up with Ra. He was texting me day and night talking about how sorry he was for messing up. I didn’t respond to him. I wanted to make him suffer.
Something like this was big news. The news spread fast. This wasn’t good but I didn’t really care at the moment when the fight was going down. I had different gossip sites emailing me asking for interviews. I didn’t really want to talk about the issue publicly, but after I was reading the things most of the gossip sites were saying and the stuff in my Twitter feed, I decided to set the record straight.
Iesha Jackson owner of the biggest urban entertainment blog ‘Word Is…’ came by the house to interview me. I didn’t really mind her too much out of all the other black blogs and sites.
Her’s is probably the least messy and the most thorough in her reporting although she is a bit of a celebrity ass kisser.
Instead of staying in the house to be interviewed where Kennedey was lurking around, Iesha and I decided to go to The Rodeo and talk. There weren’t a lot of people in there being that it was the middle of the day during the week.
“So how are you doing Reagan?” Iesha jumped right in. “Oh, I’m good, you know, just doing me,” I answered her not missing a beat. “What do you think about everything that has been said about your break up with Ra$hin? What can you tell us about what’s true and what isn’t true?” Iesha asked. There had been many things going around about me and Ra, some of it very outlandish and ridiculous one of them being that I was cheating on Ra myself with Barrington which is why Ra started messing with Martina. Other people were saying Martina was just one of many Ra$hin had been cheating with.
“Ninety percent of the stuff that’s out there isn’t true. I just think it’s sad people will
make up shit simply to get hits on their site,” I said. “Can you be specific? Like is it true
you were the one cheating first with Ra’s producer Barrington?” she asked. “Hell to the no.
There is no way I would cheat with Barrington,” I answered. “Okay, glad you cleared that up. Obviously those rumors started around the beginning of the year. What do you think about people saying Ra was cheating on you with countless other girls, even before he hooked up with Martina Meija?” Iesha asked.
Truthfully, I didn’t want to answer this question because if those rumors were true, that he had cheated on me before Martina, I would wind up looking pretty stupid. “I honestly can’t entertain that kind of gossip. Simply because I don’t know if it’s true. Look, I get all kinds of people telling me things about my relationship, well my old relationship now. If I went around worrying about every little thing someone said about my now ex I would not be able to function, I would be too paranoid and I refuse to live my life like that,” I replied. My agency which also handled PR for me had advised me against talking about or answering directly about the fight between Martina and me.
“Tell us what happened that night? You were with your friends and you just happened to see Ra$hin in VIP with Martina? Were they kissing, was it obvious there was something going on more than just friendship between them?” asked Iesha.
“Oh yes. I had gotten back to town a day early from a shoot I was on. I went to the club with my friends, once I headed over into VIP is when I saw them together. I’m not blind, I knew what was going on right away. I had words with the both of them,” I said.
“What exactly did you say to Ra$hin? What did he say or do after you confronted him?” she asked “I don’t want to get into specifics. He initially tried to lie, as if I didn’t see him with her, I guess he thought I was stupid. I broke up with him on the spot. But as far as I am concerned they can have each other, I don’t give a damn,” I said all of a sudden feeling angry as the events of that night started flooding back into my memory.
“And you’re confirming that you two did indeed break up and that it was you that broke up with him, correct?” Iesha asked.
“Yes,” I answered flatly. “Do you think there is any chance of getting back with him?” she
asked. I really didn’t know how to answer that, I was still very angry with Ra. “No,” again I
“Has Ra$hin tried contacting you at all since everything went down? I know he is starting his tour soon and has been all over the world as of late, but has he made any effort to reach you?” Iesha asked. I could tell she was salivating at the mouth, hoping to get the best
scoop for her blog. “Yes, he has tried calling and texting me,” I told her. Iesha looked a bit surprised. “Really? What has he said when he called or in his texts?” she inquired.
“I wouldn’t know what he said because I haven’t answered his phone calls. And I delete his text messages,” I told her only partially the truth. I really didn’t answer his phone calls but I had read a few of his text messages which said the usual crap like “Baby, I’m so sorry. You know I love you,” “Please forgive me, I messed up,” “Can I see you? Please come out on the road with me, I promise I’ll never hurt you like that again”.
Iesha and I went back and forth a little while longer, with her digging for as much dirt on Ra and the fundamentals of our relationship as much as she could. While I did give her some good scoop about the way I was feeling about the whole situation, I was very careful not let myself be too open and prone to character attacks. I knew enough people were going to talk about this interview and further make up stuff and their own versions of it.
Early the next morning I went into the kitchen for breakfast. I looked at my cell phone again and saw all the texts that I hadn’t deleted yet from Ra$hin.
I walked over to the trash and tossed the phone after I removed the smart card. The next day I went and bought a new phone with a new number. I wasn’t one hundred percent sure how I felt about everything. I knew I was furious with Ra$hin. How could he do me like that? Reagan Leeds? If I was the one cheating on him, I would be called every kind of hoe or slore, but since Ra is a man it’s more acceptable for him. Well not this time.
Everything was ending, Ra$hin had screwed me; something I would not soon forget. If he thought he could do what he did and I would just be okay with it, he had another think coming. ‘The Streets’ had raised him and had taught him a thing or two, but I had a bit of street smarts myself and he should know payback is a redheaded, green eyed bitch.
(Author’s note: I do not personally have any issue with the clothing stores Reagan mentioned in this chapter. I used to shop at Rainbow years ago when I lived in L.A. as well as Express. This is just Reagan’s opinion. Happy Simming)