Ratchet: 1. A diva, mostly from urban cities that has reason to believe she is every mans eye candy. 2. Females who are all about drama
As much fun as we had in Miami, something was off in my relationship with Ra$hin. I couldn’t really put my finger on it yet. Sometimes I wondered if he was messing around behind my back. He has been in a stank mood lately. I know he has been stressed with the album and all the promotion. Matter of fact we haven’t really seen much of each other lately. He has been out of town a lot recently gearing up for the album release and his tour coming up.
I called him when he back home and asked if he wanted to go out to dinner or do something else. He told me that he was busy and couldn’t get away from what he was doing. Whatever the hell that meant. I wasn’t going to sweat it though. I decided to just go out for some drinks with my girls.
Taina comes and picks me up and we head to The Rodeo. I was playing a little shuffleboard when out of the corner of my eye I saw this girl named Martina Meija playing pool. I didn’t know her personally. I have seen her around at some of the clubs. She was one of those groupies with a mattress strapped to her back. Point
blank, I didn’t like her.
My friends and I are all having a good time and I wasn’t thinking about Ra. Even Kennedey was at The Rodeo, I have no idea why. It’s not typically her crowd. I think she was there with some of her geek friends. As long as she didn’t try to spoil my fun, I was fine.
Maybe too good of a time seeing that Fallion took a nose dive trying to do a keg stand I thought myself laughing.
I was really feeling myself. So much so I got on top of the counter and started dancing. A little ‘act right’ will do that to you!
Right when I had completely forgot about all the problems Ra$hin and I were having, he walks in the spot with some of his boys. That killed my buzz very quickly.
“I thought you said you were busy when I asked you if you wanted to do something tonight?” I asked Ra$hin.
“I was busy. I had plans with my boys,” he responded.
“Bullshit, Ra$hin, it’s always something with you. You act like you’d rather date your boys than me!” I screamed at him.
“Man, you’re drunk Reagan, you need to calm down with that stuff. I’m not trying to conversate with a drunk person,” he said.
“Conversate?” I said laughing, “That is not even a word, and I’m the one who’s drunk? Get out of here with that,” I told him mockingly. I may have had one too many, but I had a right to be mad. Ra$hin was being really incognito lately despite his stupid album business. I was starting to feel as if I was in a
relationship with myself.
“You’re never around anymore! What the hell am I doing with you and we’re never together anyway?” I asked.
“Damn! Is it too much to ask for me to just have a night with my boys without you nagging me? Shit!” He yelled.
“Who are you talking to? I shouted at him. “Don’t let me have to check you in front of all your friends. I’m not the one,” I said.
“Look, you need to just back up off me. You can’t check me, I ain’t no boy. You’re getting loud and sounding really stupid right now,” Ra$hin said.
No he didn’t. Before I knew it, my five fingers were saying hello to his face. Ra$hin looked surprised I had slapped him upside the head. I don’t know why, he had seen me check many people before. We’ve been together long enough for him to know that I don’t play.
The next thing I know Barrington comes over, trying to defend Ra$hin.
“Why are you showing out Reagan? You can’t check Ra, that’s a grown ass man. I don’t know why you think you can tell him what to do,” Barrington said.
“Get out of my face Barrington and stay out my business, this has nothing to do with you. That’s my man, and I’ll check him all day if need be!” I shouted. Barrington was tap dancing on my last nerve.
I turned back to Ra$hin. “What? Is Barrington your bitch now? Since you only seem to have time for your friends these days, why don’t you try getting some from them!” I told him.
“Call a cab and take your drunk ass home Reagan,” Ra$hin responded.
“I don’t know what kind of suckas you were messing with before me, but you’re going to learn you can’t control me,” he said.
That’s what he thought. Ra$hin had the game and me twisted. He grew up a mama’s boy. His mother did everything for him and always catered to him and his father. Well, like I said before and I’ll say it again, I’m not the one.
“Don’t get me mixed up with Juana, I ain’t ya’ mammy. And don’t even think about calling my phone for shit!” I yelled. I was done with all that mess. I didn’t need this, so my girls and I left.
I was messed up. We decided to call a cab and head back to my house, leaving Taina’s car at the bar.
Everyone ended up staying the night at my house. My head was spinning. I knew I was not going to feel when I woke up.
The next thing I knew I had passed out on the living room floor.
I didn’t find out until later, but Aoki’s sloppy ass peed on my kitchen floor! Dumb broad, the bathroom was barely twenty feet away. Ugh, she got on my nerves at times.
A few days had gone by and I had not spoken to Ra$hin. Taina suggested we go to Bridgeport for the weekend. To be truthful, I wasn’t crazy about Bridgeport. I wasn’t digging the city nor the people who lived there. Most of them were lames.
I was about to pack and get ready to catch a flight that afternoon when Kennedey as usual wants to talk about shit that could wait, this time it was about the cats.
“It’s time for Sammy and Tinky to get their shots again,” she said to me that morning.
“And?” I replied
“And we need to take them to the vet. I have an appointment for them today,” Kennedey replied.
“Kennedey, why are you always bringing stuff up when I am about to go somewhere or got something to do? You don’t need me to go with you to the vet for your cats,” I told her, irritated.
“My cats? They are both of our responsibility,” Kennedey said.
“No, Sammy is the family cat, technically he is Mom’s cat. Tinky is your cat since you found him on the street,” I told her.
“He was just a little abandoned kitten. What was I supposed to do? Leave him to die? I can’t believe how shallow and selfish you are sometimes Reagan. It’s always about Reagan, always ‘me, me, me’,” Kennedey said mockingly.
“Ya’ damn skippy it’s about me. You also know I gotta get ready and catch a flight in a few hours,” I said.
“My cat, the family’s cat, it doesn’t matter. Will you at least go half on the vet bill with me?” she asked.
“Yeah, just let me know how much the bill is,” I assured her in order to hurry her out of my face.
Only Taina, Fallion and myself went on the trip to Bridgeport. I was glad Aoki wasn’t coming. I didn’t want to deal with her silly ass. I needed to remember to check that heffa about pissin’ on my floor too.
We all decided to hit up the club that night, but at the last minute Taina decided she wanted to have cramps and lay up in the hotel and raid the mini-bar. Whatever, she was corny. This whole trip was her idea. She should’ve just taken some Pamprin and kept it pushing. That left just left Fallion and I.
We headed over to the Red Diamonds lounge. I had been there before with Ra$hin. It was one of the most exclusive clubs in the city.
When we got there the bouncer actually denied letting us in the club!
“I’m sorry this is a private club. I can’t let you in,” he said.
I was heated. “What the hell do you mean you can’t let me?” I demanded.
“You’re going to let me into this club! Don’t you know who I am?” I yelled at the bouncer.
“No, I don’t. Like I said before our establishment is only for special clientele,” he replied smartly.
Fallion stepped in. “Her boyfriend is Ra$hin. I know he always comes in here when he is in town, we’ve all been here together before,” Fallion told him.
“Look, I cannot verify that and obviously Ra$hin is not with you. Being that is the case, please leave,” the bouncer said.
I was beyond angry at this point. “If you don’t let me in this bitch, I can guarantee I will get your ass fired with one phone call!” I screamed.
The bouncer started getting red in the face. “Look, if you don’t leave now I will forcibly remove you!” he yelled back.
“So what, asshole! I’ve been thrown out of better places than this shithole!” I screeched.
“Come on Reagan, let’s just go someplace else,” Fallion said. I was so mad, I didn’t feel like going out anymore. I was also surprised Fallion was a lot more calm than I was. Usually she was the one cuttin’ up. My ego was bruised. I had never been denied entry to a club yet, and this ugly ass low wage, fake ass robocop had the nerve to threaten me. Punk ass.
That’s why I couldn’t stand Bridgeport and their whack clubs there. I wish I never let Taina and Fallion convince me to come here for the weekend. Who the hell does that bouncer think he is not letting me in?
When I got back from Bridgeport Kennedey told me that she got a call from Daddy. He said he was coming out in a few days because he missed his girls and wanted to check on us. Which was basically code for ‘get on Reagan’s case about something trivial’. Kennedey definitely inherited that trait from him. The only difference is I would only tolerate it so much from him because he was my dad. While Kennedey thought she was my mama, despite the fact that we are fourteen months apart, and I’m the oldest! I also knew Kennedey would take this as an opportunity to team up with Daddy to get on my case. I was looking forward to seeing him however. We hadn’t seen our father in months.
Ra$hin decided he wanted to act right again and called and apologized saying he wanted to take me out shopping and lunch that day. But I turned the tables on him, this time I had plans with my friend and I was happy to let him know that it was me who was busy this time.
Taina and I decided to soak up the last few rays of sunshine at Delmar Beach, fall was right around the corner.
“Did I tell you my dad was coming in a few days?” I asked her.
“Really? No, you didn’t tell me. Oh that’s nice,” she replied.
“Yeah. I guess I kind of miss him,” I said.
“How long has it been since you’ve seen him?” Taina asked
“Girl, I don’t know. Nearly a year I would say,” I replied.
“Well that’s better than me. I haven’t seen my dad in over two years, and I’m in New York quite often,” she said.
“I thought your dad lived in D.C.?” I inquired.
“He did, he’s back in Brooklyn now,” she answered.
Taina and I had a similar family dynamic. She had a wayward daddy who was in and out of her and Fallion’s lives, while I had a wayward mother, who just up and bounced one day. Even if things were not the greatest between Taina and her father, at least she knew where he was. We didn’t know where Apollonia was, as she just left and didn’t tell us where she was going. To hell with her. I could care less if the bitch was living under a bridge somewhere. I just knew once I blew up she better not come calling and claiming me once I got super famous.
“Reagan, did you hear me?” Taina asked me. I was off in lala land thinking about my mother and didn’t hear anything Taina was saying to me.
“Huh? No, sorry what did you say?” I asked.
“I was asking you if you and Kennedey were excited to see him,” she replied.
“Yeah, sure. I just hope he lays off me. Whenever he reads something about me online or sees me check a bitch on Twitter and Facebook, he calls and gets on my case about how I shouldn’t show out in public and on the internet. I am really not in the mood to hear his mouth. It’s bad enough I have to hear it from Warden Kennedey who thinks she can run me,” I said.
Taina laughed “Kennedey and you crack me up. It’s kind of the same between Fallion and I. I’m the oldest and she stays trying to tell me what to do. I usually don’t pay her any mind though,” Taina said.
“You need to start checking Fallion’s ass. Kennedey will get in my face and run off at the mouth, but I always shut that shit down right away, trust,” I told her.
“Yeah, well, I just don’t have any interest in fighting with her. Fallion loves to argue and will keep it going for days if she wants. She missed her calling, she should’ve been a litigator since she likes to argue so dang much,” said Taina.
“Pop her in the mouth, I’m sure that will shut her up for a good little while,” I said.
“It’s not worth breaking a nail over,” Taina laughed.
“Sometimes it is. I’ve broken many nails over the years rolling Kennedey up. My dad wants to meet Ra,” I said changing the subject.
“For real? Are you nervous to have him meet Ra$hin?” she asked.
“No, Ra is the one who should be nervous. I know my dad is gonna be all up in his face grilling him,” I replied.
“That’s good that your father is protective like that. He just wants to make sure you’re dating a good dude,” Taina said.
“I guess,” I said dismissively not really caring.
Kennedey and I took it upon ourselves to do a thorough house cleaning and buy our dad’s favorite foods. By the time that Saturday he was coming rolled around, I was finding myself actually nervous to my surprise.
Our father, Ray liked being independent so he got a rental and drove himself over from the airport.
“Hey ginger baby!” my father said giving me a big bear hug referring to my baby nickname he gave me. He was the only one on Earth that was allowed to call me that.
“Hey Daddy!” I said excitedly.
“And how’s my little baby girl?” he asked hugging Kennedey.
“I’m great, Daddy, especially now that you’re here!” Kennedey gushed. She was so corny.
“I’m hungry. I haven’t eaten since this morning. Why don’t we go to this bistro I passed by downtown, it looked nice,” said Dad.
“Daddy, this is a big city with hundreds of bistros, where was it exactly?” I asked.
“Um, I think I was on fourth and Ocean when I saw it,” he replied.
“Oh, that’s a new place, it just opened. I think it’s called Ocean Avenue Bistro,” Kennedey said.
We all jumped in Kennedey’s car and head downtown. I had never eaten there before, I just hoped the food was good and I wasn’t wasting my time.
“Oh I think I may get the cheese steak. What looks good to you girls?” Dad asked.
“I think I am going to try the stuffed shells,” I replied as we put our orders in.
Kennedey of course ordered veggie rolls. Thinking she was doing something good for the earth. I guess she was on her vegetarian kick this week. She tried to act like she was such a healthy eater all the time. I’ve seen her stuffing her face with fried ice cream when she didn’t think I was anywhere around. The veggie rolls were probably good for her, she could stand to lose a few pounds, her face was getting a little round.
The food was good, not great. I was satisfied I suppose. Even if it wasn’t, at least our dad was getting the bill.
“How do you like your food?” our father asked us.
“It’s really good Daddy. I just wished they had an organic section,” Kennedey said. I rolled my eyes.
“I like it. I’ve had better stuffed shells, but it’s cool,” I replied.
“Well at least it’s a free meal. Can’t you be grateful for once Reagan?” Kennedey asked.
“Shut up. Daddy was asking me how I liked my food and I told him. For your information, I am grateful,” I snapped back at her.
“Hey c’mon you guys, let’s just enjoy a nice family meal. I haven’t seen my two best girls in nearly a year,” my father said trying to diffuse the situation.
“It hasn’t been nearly a year since you’ve seen me, Daddy. I came out to Appaloosa just three months ago,” said Kennedey.
“I know, baby, I was just saying I haven’t seen you both at the same time in quite a while. It’s good to have my girls with me again,” he said.
“You have such a brown nose,” I told Kennedey. I couldn’t stand her sucking up.
“I know I have a brown nose, I’m black!” Kennedey smartly replied”
Before I could come back at her my dad changed the subject.
“How is your art selling in the local galleries, Kennedey? He asked Kennedey.
“They’ve been doing ok. They are pretty small galleries with clientele that buys specific kind of art, so it’s not always going to sell like if it were at one of the bigger more popular galleries,” replied Kennedey.
“Basically she is saying, her so-called ‘artwork’ barely sales,” I replied snickering. Kennedey got red in the face from embarrassment and opened her mouth to say something before Daddy cut her off.
“Now stop that Reagan. At least Kennedey is putting her degree to good use, which is more than I can say for you and this whole modeling thing,” he said. Now I was getting red in the face, not from embarrassment, but from anger. My dad once again insinuated modeling wasn’t a legit career.
“I do put my degree to use. It’s a stupid communications degree. I have a blog I’ve been keeping up with since I was a freshman in college,” I said defensively.
“If your degree was so stupid, why did you choose to study communications and waste my money on school? There were other subjects you could have majored in. I have also read your blog ‘You Wish You Were Me’ many times. All you seem to do is update which new Giuseppe Zanotti shoes you got. Or fight with the people who leave comments you don’t like,” said Dad.
Kennedey started laughing as if that was the funniest thing she had ever heard in her life.
“Exactly. Like why even go to college, but it’s not like you really ever went to class while we were there. You always had one of lame friends or some dude going to class for you,” Kennedey said.
The tag-teaming had commenced. Let me shut this shit down now.
“As long as I graduated and got my degree what does it matter? I should’ve went to school in Atlanta instead of whack Appaloosa State,” I replied
“That was never going to happen. All those schools are party schools down there, and I wasn’t going to have you out there showing out,” my dad said. I was beyond irritated with both of them by now.
“Like I said, I have my degree, so what if the field I work doesn’t have anything to do with it? At least I am making really good money and traveling all over the country working. Hundreds of thousands of people see me in magazines. That’s a lot more people that will ever see one thing you claim as art,” I said to Kennedey
I knew that would make her mad.
“I am a great artist! Just because my art may not be known, doesn’t mean it isn’t good! What do you know about art anyway Reagan? You asked me once why I had Campbell’s Soup posters on the wall of my studio. You didn’t even know they were Warhol reprints!” Kennedey laughed.
Didn’t I tell you she took every opportunity to tell people how much she knew about art and how ‘great’ she was? And people try to say I was the one stuck on myself.
I was bored with this conversation, but I would get her ass when Daddy left. “Suck it, Kennedey,” I simply said.
As we were waiting for the check, one of the paparazzi that continually followed Ra$hin and I around popped into the restaurant and started taking pictures. I was already mad, this just took the cake.
“Get the hell out of here. Your bitch-ass is always following me around. Can’t you see I am having a private family dinner? I will sue you so hard, your great-grandchildren will be paying restitution asshole!” I screamed.
“Reagan, calm down. Look man, can’t you have some respect? I am having dinner with my daughters,” my father said to the papparazzo.
Right when I was about to give him a fist to the face a few restaurant employees came over and kicked him out.
On our way home, my dad lays into me about getting into it with that pap in public. “That wasn’t necessary for you to start a fight with that man in the restaurant, Reagan. Not necessary at all. It’s bad enough how I was reading about you cussing that bouncer out in Bridgeport, fighting and getting drunk in the
clubs. Not everything has to be a battle,” said Dad.
I didn’t even say anything. I was just ready to fix myself a Ritz Martini and hop in the hot tub.
A couple of days later Ra$hin stopped by to meet my dad and have brunch. It was interesting nonetheless to see my father and Ra interacting.
Ra was still on my ‘D’ list for how he had been acting, but at least he was upgraded from my ‘F’ list which he had been on only up until a few days ago.
I knew my father was sizing up Ra$hin. At least the brunch was going well until my dad started grilling Ra$hin about his rapping and family background.
“So, is ‘Ra$hin’ your real name?” my dad asked Ra$hin. I cringed.
“Daddy, of course that’s his real name,” I answered for Ra$hin.
“Oh okay, your parents spelled your name with the dollar sign on purpose then? That’s what it says on your birth certificate?” My father said with condescension in his voice.
Ra$hin sort of laughs. “Uh, no. I just added the dollar sign when I started rapping,” he said.
“Interesting,” my father mused, not looking at all impressed.
“Reagan tells me you grew up in a really rough part of Queens,” said Dad.
“Yes, I grew up in one of the toughest housing projects in New York,” Ra$hin responded.
“Tough, huh? That’s something a lot of you young rappers seem to have in common. I’ve found that a lot of these rappers claiming to have had it so hard growing up on the streets of the roughest neighborhoods in the USA are just posing in order to look like they have street cred,” Dad told Ra$hin with a hint of disbelief in his voice.
He continued, “You see I was a little younger than you guys when rap started making its rounds to black youth and eventually going mainstream, back in the eighties. But it wasn’t about bling this, stuntin’ that, poppin’ bottles, and throwing bands at strippers. A lot of it was fun and it was real. Rap has grown so far away from it’s original days,” my father said, clearly on his soapbox now.
“Daddy, rap and hip hop would die if it didn’t allow itself to grow and progress,” I told him.
“Progress and growth are one thing. But I don’t call rapping about making it rain in strip clubs and how many cars you own progress. Your generation doesn’t know anything Reagan. We used to rock out to RUN-DMC, KRS-One, Big Daddy Kane, Public Enemy, EPMD, Eric B & Rakim, that’s just to name a few. My friends and I would drive up to New York and go see Doug E. Fresh and Slick Rick perform. Watch true MC battles, The Bridge Wars, all that. Go to the clubs with real DJ’s who would actually scratch and mix, not use any software to do their job. Even in my neighborhood once rap, beat boxing and break dancing trickled down to Miami, most of our ‘hood battles were break dancing battles. Don’t get me wrong, we did have crime. It was the early and mid eighties during the height of Miami’s cocaine epidemic,” said Dad clearly in the way-back machine.
“Yeah I’m glad you stopped the romantisizing of Miami. Which was the coke capital of the US back then,” I replied.
Ra$hin and Kennedey were both quite, listening. I could tell Ra wanted to say something, but he was trying to be respectful and choose his words carefully. After all, my dad did just basically call every track Ra$hin ever made trash.
“Well, the subject is hip hop back in the day when it was still very real, not cocaine. The guys who were rapping also weren’t posing like they came from the worst places in America, a lot of them actually did. They made you want to get up and dance and have fun. Made you think about stuff. They wrote lyrics that told real stories,” Dad replied.
“Ok, can we change the subject ‘Chuck D’?” I said sarcastically to my dad referring to the hip hop artist from Public Enemy.
Ra$hin finally got a word in. “I agree with some of that. I may have just been born in the mid eighties during that era, but my dad and his friends were immersed in hip hop. My father introduced me to all those same artists you just mentioned. So I know where rap and hip hop came from and what it was about. My father is actually from The Bronx, the birthplace of hip hop. He was in the forefront and witnessed all of that from jump and told me all about those times. I respect a lot of the artists from those days and eras afterwards like the Biggie and Pac days,” Ra$hin defended himself.
“Biggie and Pac huh? What did you know about them? You couldn’t have been no more then nine or ten when they came on the scene. Shoot, Reagan and Kennedey were barely three and four,” Dad responded.
“Yeah, I may have been young. But Big and Pac were my idols and the main reason I started rapping. There was no one better before or after them,” said Ra$hin.
“Yeah they were amongst the best rappers. The best of their generation I liked their music too. I was in my twenties when they came out. But look where they ended up. Neither one of them is making music now. Now rap has people like Lil’ Wayne making platinum albums insulting Emmett Till and dark skinned black
women, even though he himself is considered ‘dark skinned’ and has a non-light skinned daughter,” replied Dad.
“You have people like Trinidad James talking about ‘All Gold Everything’; no substance. Kanye’s an idiot who needs to shut up and go away. Even Jay-Z has become a mockery of himself. The only one I really respect who came out in the mid nineties is Nas. He went wayward messing around with Puff for a minute but found himself again, thankfully,” Dad continued to rant.
“Trinidad is a joke, a one hit wonder. No one will be checking for him in six months time, hell even three months. And I can’t fuck with Lil’ Wayne or Kanye,” Ra$hin said. I cringed when he dropped the F-bomb. He didn’t realize he had. My father did however, raising his eyebrow.
I was relieved brunch was over until my dad decided to pull Ra$hin to the side and have a private conversation with him.
“I’m going to refer to you by your given name ‘Rashin’ since that’s what your parents named you,” Dad told Ra$hin.
“Okay…,” Ra$hin responded.
“My daughters mean everything to me. I’ve always been very protective of them, since before they were even born. I also had to finish raising them on my own when their mother left. I didn’t know too much about teenage girls despite the fact I grew up with three sisters myself,” said Dad. Ra$hin didn’t respond.
“I’ll be perfectly honest. When I found out Re Re was dating a rapper, I was not enthused about it. Especially because of the quality of people who call themselves rappers these days and drop albums, talking about a whole lot of nothing,” Dad continued.
“Okay…,” Ra$hin repeated himself.
“So what are your intentions with my little girl? Besides reading things about you online I really know nothing about you. Reagan doesn’t share anything with me. You seem like you have a lot of beefs with several rappers,” said Dad.
“Didn’t they have beef back in your day, like LL Cool J and Ice-T? Boogie Down? The Juice Crew? The most epic being that of Big and Pac although that was later on. I wouldn’t even say I have beef with a lot of these rappers out here. You gotta be on my level for me to even consider a problem so-called ‘beef’. I have many haters, but all that says is that I’m doing something right,” Ra$hin answered.
“Yes beef did exist back then. It always has, it’s a part of hip hop. But artists weren’t cutting, shooting, and throwing bottles in the club at one another either. I just don’t want my daughter getting caught in the middle of all that. I also really don’t care for any of your mysoginistic lyrics. You have a mother, you have sisters and my daughter says you love her,” Dad replied.
Ra$hin interrupted him “I do love Reagan. I have mad respect for her. I also have the utmost respect for my mother and sisters. Those are just songs and I certainly don’t view all women as bitches and hoes,” Ra$hin said defensively.
“And yet nearly everytime you refer to a woman on one of your songs, she’s a bitch or a hoe,” my father responded to Ra$hin.
“Well, like I said, they’re just songs,” Ra$hin argued.
“Look, bottom line, I don’t want my baby girl getting hurt. I am fully aware of what your reputation was as far as women, fans, and groupies went before you started dating my daughter. I would hope you were smart enough to not hurt my baby by getting caught up. That’s fine if you want to be a player and all that, but not
as long as you are seeing my daughter,” Dad said to Ra$hin.
“There’s no one else, trust me. Reagan is one of the best things in my life and I would never do anything to hurt her. I only want to make her happy,” Ra$hin replied.
“Oh you don’t have my trust yet. That’s something that has to be earned. As long as you are good to her, you’re not cheating on her or taking advantage of her, we’ll be good. Just know I am watching,” said Dad.
I had been listening the entire time from inside the bathroom off the main dining room. As I peaked through the crack of the door, I could tell Ra$hin was both irritated and uncomfortable. I was mad at my father for coming at Ra$hin like that upon their first meeting. Father or not he no right to go trying to regulate my
Ra$hin said he had a couple of things to do in the studio, we said goodbye without a word of his conversation with my father.
“Daddy, why did you go and say all of that to Ra$hin?” I asked angrily. “This was your first time meeting him and you acted like he was on trial and you were the prosecutor, judge and jury. You basically told my boyfriend his music sucks and threatened him if he were to ever cheat on me or something!” I exclaimed.
“Well, the truth is your boyfriend’s music does ‘suck’ as you say. I don’t like it,” Dad answered point blank. I couldn’t stand his bluntness sometimes, which is where I get it from.
“Yeah, his music sucks but he has had countless top ten singles, has been featured on dozens of artists’ tracks not to mention four platinum albums and I am sure this latest one will go on to be platinum too! His concerts sell out in minutes. He has millions of downloads. His videos are watched my tens of millions of people on YouTube everyday. He writes hits for other artists, yeah I guess he really does suck with those stats,” I said.
“Are you going to let me get a word in edgewise? You’ve been like this since you were a baby Reagan. You would scream and cry, throw tantrums unless you got your way. But I am not going to sugar coat it baby girl. It is my duty as a father to look out for you. Even when you are sixty years old, I will still be looking out for you. When you become a parent one day you’ll understand. There is something about that guy I just don’t like or trust. I’m a man and men can size each other up better than women can,” replied Dad.
“I don’t care if you like my boyfriend or not! You’re not the one in a relationship with him, I am! You always do this Daddy. You are always trying to tell me how to run my life. You told me what college to go to, what courses you thought I should take, what boys I could and couldn’t date!” I shouted back.
“Of course while you were underage I told you what boys I approved of, not those little thugs running around our neighborhood knocking on your bedroom window at night. You don’t have to care that I don’t like Rashin. But I’m going to give you
my opinion on him anyway and like I said, I just don’t get a good vibe from him,” replied Dad.
“What? You want me to go out with the lames you’re used to Kennedey dating? Not that she is even seeing anyone right now. Or do you want me to stay at home cleaning up cat pee with paint in my hair like her? I’m sorry but I have a life,” I replied.
“You know, this whole thing with you coming down on your sister, degrading what she does and her lack of success thus far really needs to stop. You two are family. She is the only sister you’ll ever have. You girls have fought like cats and dogs your whole lives long. But you’re women now and you need to learn to get
along. No one is going to be there for you like your family. When the going gets tough, she’ll be there. I know you’ll do the same too when it comes right down to it,” he replied.
“Yeah, wasn’t Mom supposed to be there for us too? But where is the bitch, huh? No where to be found!” I cried. I could tell from my father’s face, my words hurt, and that hurt me, but I couldn’t help myself from telling the truth.
“Don’t call your mother that. And watch your language little girl. Apollonia, my wife is still your mother and partially responsible for bringing you into this world. Show a little respect,” Dad scolded me
I couldn’t believe my ears. Was he actually defending this woman? The same woman who only married him because she got knocked up with me? The same woman who made it no secret that she lost out on fulfilling her dreams of becoming a dancer because she assumed the position and got pregnant? The same “mother” that up and left him and her own two daughters in the middle of the night without a word, but some fucked up note. The same “mother” who never bothered telling us where she was, never called, never even sent our asses a post card? The same chick who told me the only thing I would be good at is lying on my back? Screw her!
Even after all these years, my dad was still married to my mother. His excuse was that he didn’t know where she was and couldn’t get divorced. What did he think? That Kennedey and I were born yesterday? He could have been had a divorce by
publication years ago. But I think he was secretly hoping our mother would realize her mistake and come back. Which is one of the reasons he notified just about everyone they knew we moved to Appaloosa just in case she came looking for us one day.
My dad was always in love with her, she just was never in love with him. I’m not even sure if she loved me or Kennedey. She rarely acted like she did. Usually she would try to be motherly if her family or my father’s family were around, but people started to see she was putting on a front.
“I have no respect for that woman, mother or not! You’re still hung up on her, but I’m not!” I shouted. By this time Kennedey had come back into the dining room, being nosy.
“Look baby girl, I’m just not up for this with you. That’s not why I came here. I came here to see my two best girls. I also wanted to give you this,” said Dad while handing me a gift wrapped box. Obviously wanting to change the subject and smooth things over and I did too.
“I found these antique perfume bottles that belonged to my grandmother in the attic. I thought you would like them. I gave Kennedey an old record player that used to belong to my mother,” Dad told me.
The bottles were really pretty, by brands I didn’t recognize. That softened me a little bit. I didn’t really enjoy fighting with my father. Especially since he was about to leave.
“Thank you, Daddy,” I told him.
Kennedey and I said our goodbyes and with that he was gone. I was actually sad to see him leave. His visit was too short. I’m not usually the sappy or mushy type either. Overall the weekend was good aside from our fight.
I really did wish my father’s and Ra’s interaction had gone better. I did want my father to like him. I figured he was just being a typical dad looking out for his daughter. He never really was fond of any of my boyfriends.
I didn’t find out until much later on how right my father was about Ra$hin and that I should’ve listened to him all along.